Contentment: An Art Form

By channels of coolness the echoes are calling,

And down the dim gorges I hear the creek falling:

It lives in the mountain where moss and the sedges

Touch with their beauty the banks and the ledges.

Through breaks of the cedar and sycamore bowers

Struggles the light that is love to the flowers;

And, softer than slumber, and sweeter than singing,

The notes of the bell-birds are running and ringing.

– Bellbirds, Henry Kendall

If you’ve ever heard bellbirds singing, you’ve probably heard some of the most beautiful little songs in the Bird World, in my opinion. I’ve often sat outside my in-law’s house in Australia and listened to the perfect tinkling sounds, thinking that life really can’t get better than this, usually because I also have an iced tea in hand and sun shining on my face. It’s in moments like these that I feel happy and secure and completely and utterly content.

I spoke with a friend recently who challenged me to think big in 2018, particularly in the area of work/life balance. It got me thinking about the goals I want to accomplish in the coming 365 days. I began writing down simple steps to get to the end of each goal. As I looked it all over, I felt this overwhelming desire to do more with my life, to be more to those around me, to give more of myself and to achieve large dreams. I felt an incredible expectation for what 2018 could be the start of. I realized that if I approach every year this way, I could achieve everything I’ve set for myself. And even more.

It suddenly dawned on me that I’m in a balancing act. On one hand, I sit in complete contentment, happy with my life, my choices, my little world. On the other hand, I want more. Not just to have more, but to be more. I could easily sit in my happiness and never achieve anything, except to drink a lot of iced tea and get a pretty decent tan. And if that was all I wanted to get out of life, that would be completely acceptable. But I want more.

So where’s the balancing line? How can I be content in my life and at the same time want more without driving myself crazy? How do we achieve our goals but sit happily where we are?

According to 100 Simple Secrets of the Best Half of Life, people who have goals for themselves are about 20% more satisfied with their lives. The book also mentions that individuals who continually grow in their knowledge and understanding are more likely to feel hopeful about the future. Could it be that contentedness and expectation actually go hand in hand?

The Buddha said that he “teaches the presence of dukkha in our lives” and how to end it. Dukkha is the dissatisfaction we find in so much of our lives, and the Buddhist way is to find contentment and happiness no matter what life throws at you. You can find peace in spite of unpleasant experiences, and you can learn that pleasant experiences are transient so you shouldn’t rely on them for your happy state of mind. Although I’m not Buddhist myself, I can see the wisdom of teaching contentment in this light. It seems that having expectations for your life, but being content with yourself as a person, even in your failures, could be a key to where the balancing line is.

So, how do I balance the two? I’ve been thinking (and reading) about this for some time, and come to the conclusion that you can be contentedly expectant. Here’s how:

1. Be ok with you.

Sounds simple enough, but if you ask many people today if they like themselves, they’ll probably say no. Research supports the idea, however, that if you want to be happy, you have to like yourself. Liking yourself doesn’t involve your looks or accomplishments (which are fleeting and not safe to base self esteem in), but derives your self worth from who you are as a person. Not too happy with you? Try to do more for others and suddenly you find that you’re not so bad after all.

2. Set simple and achievable goals.

According to the book, 100 Simple Secrets of Successful People, having small goals that you can achieve consistently gives a person more satisfaction with their life than having one or two huge goals that could take years to see through. Set goals for the next year, 5 years, 10 years etc. and use your simple, short term goals to achieve your large scale, long term goals.

3. Don’t get down when you fail.

Even with simple goals, you may find that you don’t achieve what you were hoping. That’s where the contentedness part comes in to play. Be ok with where you are right now, instead of assuming that once you get to where you want to be, you’ll be happy with your life. Most likely, if you aren’t happy with yourself now, you won’t be after achieving a few goals either. You’ll just find more things to be unhappy about, so learn to let the small things slide when need be without losing sight of the big picture.

4. Get some good friends.

Close friendships are associated with higher life satisfaction percentages. They can also be the boost you need to make sure that you don’t become too content to get anything done in life. Friends keep you accountable to your goals and dreams, they push you to be a better person, and they listen when you need an attentive ear. But bad friends can do the opposite by pulling you down, being a negative force in your life, and making you lose sight of your dreams. So be wise in you who surround yourself with, and keep on the lookout for like-minded people.

5. Don’t be afraid to do a balance check. Often.

Getting out of balance is easy. You can become so expectant for your year that you can’t stand the situation you’re in and quickly become discontent. Or you can be so happy with the season of life you’re living that you honestly could not be bothered to do anything else. That can feel great for a little while, but seasons change and soon enough you might find that you’re not so happy that you let the last 10 years slip by without much to say for them. Do a balance check periodically and make sure that you are equally happy with your life and looking towards your goals.